Saving Money is a State of Mind

I used to not be conscious of the amount of money I was spending daily on little things like candy bars, cookies, and etc while working.  A candy bar is about a $1.00, and cookies or snacks can come out to about $2.00.  Once I stopped and reflected on the amount of money I was spending daily and realized that it came out to about $8.00 per week which is about $32.00 per month. On junk food.  Food that I didn't need but wanted.  That amount of money is equal to a utility bill.  So I stopped spending money on snacks daily.  Now I don't deprive myself.  I still enjoy a snack here or there, but I don't buy them daily like I used to because now I am conscious of the amount of money I am spending.  The reason I became so conscious is because I need to save, and I've realized how crucial it is to have an emergency savings for unexpected life events.

Once I became serious about getting an emergency savings going, I picked up extra hours at work so that I could at least save $1,000 per month for the first couple of months.  Mission accomplished.  So right now I have  almost $3,000 in the bank.  With the income that I have now, my ultimate goal for an emergency savings is $10,000.  I would be very comfortable with that amount in savings.  It's enough so that if I am out of work for several months or get sick, I would be able to cover all of my bills without worrying.  By the end of this year, on New Year's Eve, I am expecting to have around $6,000 in my emergency savings taking into consideration the projects that I have lined up that cost money.

This is how I did it.  First, I picked up extra hours at work as I mentioned earlier.  Then I would only buy food that I needed for the week. No extra snacks unless it was within the budget that I allocated for food.  Any money leftover from that week's budget of food and gas went into the savings.  Any money that I received from tips went into the savings.  I also sold a few items on ebay that I didn't need or no longer used.  That money went into the savings also.  Any extra dimes or nickels that I found on the street, I picked them up to use for the parking meters to keep from having to use my debit card to pay the meter.  You will find that if you are walking on the street and are looking down, you will find coins here and there.  That money adds up.  I cut out the facials, manicure and pedicure visits.  I do my own hair, so that's more money in my pocket.  I looked at my bills to see where I could cut some of my services. This has worked in the past, but not this time around because everything I have now, phone plan, insurance coverage, etc, is needed.

At any rate, do what works best for you.  No one wants to be in a situation, where she can't sleep at night because of lack of money.  It's one of the worst feelings in the world.  To be without.   Sacrifice for a few months to save a cushion.  It does wonders for the mind.

I am the dark mystique.

Theater Actors Vs Film Actors

Theater actors are better.  On average.  When you look at all the great actors and actresses, most of them have stage background.  Actors like Denzel Washington, Al Pacino, and Daniel Day-Lewis, and actresses like Viola Davis, Cate Blanchett and Meryl Streep all have a stage back ground, and some of them continue to do stage.  Theater requires that you use all of your body to show what is going on inside of you because your body is your instrument, as opposed to film, it shows in your eyes. As much as I love film, it is theater that hones the craft of acting.

I remember when I first watched Django Unchained and Christoph Waltz first appeared on screen.  I knew immediately that he was an actor with a background in stage.  The way he captivated the screen and used all of his body to do so. Sir Anthony Hopkins is another actor I enjoy watching.  I remember several years ago, he was on a late night show. I don't remember the host, whether it was Jay Leno or  David Letterman.  Once he entered on stage, I was captivated by his presence.  I knew instantly that he had a stage background just by his presence.  Even the host, and I do believe it was Jay Leno, mentioned something along the lines of him being a theater actor with great presence.  

Cate Blanchett is another actress I enjoy watching and would love to see on stage.  She has a great presence and is captivating but in a subtle way.  Viola Davis just fills up the television screen with her raw emotion and honesty.  She's too big for TV!!!  

Now that's not to say that I don't enjoy film actors who don't have a stage background.  There are many film actors who have little to no stage background but are good film actors such as Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie and Julia Roberts.   Many of them are charismatic and good at what they do.  It's just that on average they don't have the strong presence of captivation of using body and voice the way theater actors do.

That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.

I am the dark mystique.

Women, Put Yourselves First!!

I believe that women, especially those who are married with children should sometimes prioritize their needs first.  Of course I don't mean all of the time or to the point where they neglect the needs of their loved ones.  I just mean that it's healthy to sometimes put yourself first.  You can't make anyone happy if you yourself aren't happy.

I grew up  observing older women from the baby boomer generation including my mother. Many of these women sacrificed their needs and happiness for the sake of their spouses and children.  I noticed that the happiness of the woman didn't seem to matter.  She was there to serve her family, and to make sure they were happy even if she wasn't.   I resented that because I knew one day I would be married with children.  No way was I going to allow anyone to make me feel as if my happiness didn't matter.   I'm going to use my mother for example.  My mother took good care of us, and I remember as a teenager wondering why my mother never did things that she wanted to do.  It disturbed me because it seemed as if she was living for us and not for herself.  It made me think that she just didn't have interest in things normal women would be interested in such as going to the spa, visiting another country, etc.   Well, years passed and conversations were had, and things I thought she was not interested in, she expressed much excitement.  That did my heart good to see her so happy and being able to live life, have fun and do things that she wanted to do.  The older generations sacrificed a lot for us which is why I will always respect them.

I just don't think the women of generation X and after should sacrifice their happiness.  There have been times when I was unhappy for the sake of another family member, and it was one of the worst feelings you can experience.  I will sacrifice time.  I will sacrifice money.  I will sacrifice sentimental material possessions, but I will not sacrifice my happiness. It's simply not worth it.

As women, we have a lot to offer, talents and gifts to share, and love to pass around.

I am the dark mystique.

The Best Decade for Black Films was the 90s!

I was a kid growing up in the 90s, and now as an adult I can see and appreciate how great that decade was for black films. Spike Lee made such a great impact on cinema and in the lives of black people with his films which had good actors, rich and honest story lines, and great directing. Other great films which are considered classics today, Love Jones, Waiting to Exhale, The Best Man, Boyz in the Hood, and Friday.  Love Jones was such an intimate film between two people who desired and needed love.  Boyz in the Hood portrayed life in the hood truthfully.  Boomerang is a great romantic comedy that I will never tire of watching.  Friday is the classic of all classics.  It is such a great film all around.  Oh, how I miss the 90s......

What happened?  We got lazy and went backwards.  We stopped caring about taking charge of our own stories.  When you are moving forward, you can not look back.  The black films that are out today don't have the same intrigue, complexity, and originality that the black films in the 90s had.  I am definitely wondering how that can be when it is so much easier and more economically feasible to get a movie made than it was during that time.  There are so many internet sites that show independent movies, especially those made on a low, low budget.    We need new creative blood to take over, artists who are hungry for quality, not money.  That's where the best work comes from, from those with passion about the craft.   Actors who care about the work and craft than being famous and who take their craft seriously.   Writers who write original, interesting, out-of-the box stories and who spend months working on perfecting the script.  Directors who have a great vision and who bring out the best in actors.  That's what it will take.

Will history repeat itself?  I hope so.

I am the dark mystique.

Why is Sexual Abuse Swept Under the Rug?

Why?  I've never understood how a mother can allow a boyfriend or husband to rape her daughter or their daughter?  Is it because that motherly instinct to protect her daughter is not there when it comes her significant other?  Instead of being a mother-daughter relationship where the mother protects the daughter, it becomes a female-female competition where the mother kicks the daughter out of the house if she's a teenager or if she's under the age of 12, then she just turns her head or sends her to live with another relative, but yet keeps the man around.  I don't understand this.

I have been sexually abused, but it wasn't by a family member.  My mother was and still is a devout Christian.  She separated from my father when I was  child and never remarried.  Never even had a boyfriend.  She dedicated her life to living for God and taking care of her children.  But because I was sexually abused, I know what it's like to feel vulnerable, confused, curious, etc all of those things that experience.  So I empathize with young girls and women who have suffered sexual abuse, especially those who experienced it from a family member.

It seems as if sexual abuse is not really taken serious in the country.  Even though, many people will agree how immoral, disgusting, and wrong it is, actions show otherwise.  I've read news stories on the internet of how pedophiles get only a few months in jail.  Well, I do know this one man who was sentenced to prison for abusing a boy under the age of ten.  That was over ten years ago, and I believe he is still in prison.

Stealing someone's innocence and essence is one of the most heinous things you can do.   I honestly have no sympathy for rapists and pedophiles.  Absolutely none.  Women, we have to take care of ourselves.  We are the nurturers of the world, and if we are not mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and even physically healthy, how are we going to give our best to our husbands and children.  I know it can be hard to cope when we have so much resentment against family member for past sins, especially if it's a parent that was supposed to protect us but didn't, but now we have to look out for ourselves and move past that.  I'm not saying we have to forget, but we have to find the support and strength to move on and so that we can heal.

No matter how much we're suffering as a victim, the perpetrator is always suffering, even if the suffering is silent.

I am the dark mystique.

Castor Oil, Almond Oil and Coconut Oil

I've had a long relationship with castor oil, almond oil and coconut oil.  They are the three staples in my skin and hair care routine.  I am not able to rank them because they all serve a different purpose but all of them have been used or experimented with on skin and hair.

I will start with coconut oil because it was the first oil that I used on my hair and skin.   I would read a lot of articles about coconut oil and how it was a main product that Indian women used in their hair.  I thought I would try it.  Coconut oil is very light and absorbs easily into the skin without leaving an oily residue.  For me, that's one of the best things about it.  On my hair, I didn't feel it was strong enough.  My hair is thick, and my results showed me I needed something stronger or at least that when I touched my hair, I felt some type of moisture.  My hair would still feel and look dry after using coconut oil.  The biggest con for me was that after putting coconut oil on my skin and hair, it would leave a dirty looking residue under my nail if I scratched my hair or skin.  I hated that. So for a while I stopped using coconut oil, and I let it sit for a few months in my cabinet.  Just recently, I started back using it, but only for my hair not skin.  I mix the coconut oil with baking soda until I get a smooth, creamy paste.  I use that as shampoo to wash my hair.  It lifts the dirt off my scalp and hair and at the same time leaves it moisturized and with sheen.

Almond is by far my favorite skin care oil.  It doesn't absorb as easily or as quickly as coconut oil, but it is great in that you can use it solely as a moisturizer and it smooths and evens out skin tone if used consistently.  I use it very lightly because it can and does leave an oily look if you put too much. It takes about an hour for it to absorb so that skin no longer looks oily.  If you plan to use almond oil on your skin, then use just a little, rub into the palm of your hands and rub it all over your face.  I tried almond oil mixed with baking soda for shampoo when I ran out of coconut oil. It doesn't work as well.  It takes longer for the oil to completely dissolve, and I had to add water to get the creamy paste I easily get when only using coconut oil and baking soda to mix.  Almond oil is best for the skin.  For those of you who have dark skin, it gives the skin a glistening appearance.

Castor oil is the only thing I put on my scalp.  I remember as a young girl that older people used to say to put castor oil on scalp to get hair to grow back.  I remember seeing castor oil in the store, but it was grease.  I remember thinking: Why is it called castor oil, if it's not oil?  When I got older and discovered the liquid form of castor oil, I thought I'd try it.  I like that it is thicker than the other oils. So it would definitely work for my hair and it has.  Castor oil is the only substance I can put on my scalp and not get flakes and dandruff.  I've never put castor oil on my skin alone because it's too thick, but it's best for my hair.

And there you have it.  I try to use as much natural products as possible for my hair and skin since chemicals can absorb easily into the skin.  Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and please comment.

I am the dark mystique.

If I Could Live My Life Over Again, I Would Not Go To College!

I would not.  Yes, many jobs require a degree, but I have the spirit of an entrepreneur.   I received a Masters in education years ago, and even though I taught for a few years, it was not my passion which is why I quit after six years.  Twelve years after graduating, I am still paying on student loan debt.  In my opinion, it is not worth it. A former coworker of mine who is now retired has a son who pays $700 a month in student loan  debt, and therefore has to live at home with his parents because he cannot afford to live on his own. I was appalled. You pay all that money for an education that gets you a job that doesn't pay enough for you to live alone.

I'm not speaking against college. I would encourage others to go to college because for most jobs, a degree is needed, but for me, I would not go.  I'd work a job that doesn't require a degree for a couple of years while living at home, save up my money, and go after my dream in the creative arts, but life is a journey of lessons, and the best lessons are learned after it's too late to repeat them.

I am the dark mystique.